How to be a cult-leader: II

(click here for PART I)
How to Establish a Successful Cult

Establishing a successful cult demands unceasing sacrifice on the part of the cult leader, without whom the cult is unthinkable. People believe in other people whom they believe have greater powers or understanding than themselves. They need to rely on the conviction of others, and this is precisely what you need to supply.

Conceptualizing Your Cult

For your first exercise, you will decide on your target demographic, and formulate the theme of your cult.

Think about your own intellectual strengths and religious training. If you frequently attended church during your youth, I strongly advise you to work within that tradition or at least integrate it into your new religion, this makes for a more credible story.

Exercise: Formulate the theme of your cult, paying special attention to your target demographic. If you are working within a conservative Christian tradition, be sure you are ready to field questions about topics such as abortion, marriage & divorce or infidelity. If you are working in a vaguely "leftist" tradition, you may well be able to dismiss all political questions as pointless and tell your members YOU THINK POLITICS ARE BULLSHIT, but will have to be well-versed in countercultural claptrap such as the writings of eg. Carlos Castaneda.

Preliminary Cult Leader Training: Joining a Cult

Let us assume you will be working within the "countercultural" tradition.

After you have formulated the theme of your cult, you must undertake some field research. In other words, you should join a cult. Try Landmark/EST or scientology, these are good training grounds for manipulative, mind control techniques. Unity Church is another good church to join since they con and lead people into believing in a false God and non-existant spirit world. Basically it’s a money-making scam. This is exactly the type of training you need. Some would-be cult leaders have skipped this vital step to their own detriment.

I recommend joining a cult near its prime, which means it has entered its "Isolation phase," where a self-sufficient compound has been erected to ensure minimal contact with "outsiders."

Creating Your Aura

Creating your aura isn’t difficult once you understand your target demographic.

· Speaking. For a countercultural cult, you should probably adopt a soft, soothing speaking voice, as you have already discovered the great truths of the beyond. Strident, powerful speaking is reserved for leftist political activists who are angry about things. You are selling peace tranquility and "dropping out" from the world, not political activism.

· Infallible Pronouncements. Once you are established, you will have to adopt an oracle’s tone of voice. It is essential for you to develop a high tolerance for contradiction early on. Contradictions may be noted by some of your brighter followers, who must be silenced or removed from the group. Thus, it is important to have ready retorts if others point out your contradictions, like: "I am not one" (Gurdjieff) or “I have many I’s” or "I contain multitudes." (Whitman)—best said in a bellowing voice. If you’re working within the Christian tradition, you can use the ever-handy "The Lord works mysterious ways."

First Disciple

Early in your practice, you will need to discover the one person who believes in you implicitly. This person must be willing to walk through fire for you, and will hopefully be unfazed by the frequent contradictions you will eventually be uttering. Frequently such a person seems an unlikely, even ridiculous choice (showing morally questionable behaviour), but he will prove handy in convincing others you are a worthy and loving cult leader, and can also perform countless thankless tasks on your behalf (build a website, pay your expenses). He will be your clone, uttering the same empty words as you do.

It is vital that your first disciple actually believes in you. Past cult leaders who have tried to have a trusted confidante knowingly "play the part" of first disciple have usually met disaster. The Cult Leader and First Disciple were usually caught gloating together (often seated before a table loaded with cash). The secret they share is too irresistible. No, the Cult Leader must walk a solitary path, and trust no one; that is his strength.

After one person has been genuinely convinced of your powers, then the precedent has been set, and other people can always point to the first disciple’s conviction, and then each other’s, as evidence of your calling.

Your cult should provide promising answers to some of life’s most vexing questions, including:

• The Afterlife. You should absolutely promise one. You lose nothing. It is the ultimate post-dated check
• Good vs. Evil. It’s clear who is who here. You and your followers are the elect, the good. Most of the rest of the world is suffering from the illusion of evil or ego. But blame the evil on the devil, or someone else similarly unaccountable like the false-personality. The world is misguided, not willfully evil. But YOU have the answers.
• The Meaning of Life. Clearly, it is to serve God, or whatever you call your particular absolute end. Earthly considerations (including responsibilities to your wife, mistress, society) are not so important.

After preparing the soil of your followers’ minds by attacking common enemies, you are ready to share your own "testimony." This has got to be good.

Your testimony should include such classic themes as Abusive Parents, Broken Homes, Drug and alcohol Abuse, womanizing and other personal struggles with evil itself. You were a normal person, too, before your calling. This makes you so much more believable and again, women are especially susceptible to this kind of testimony because they feel pity and want to mother you.

Ultimately you had a ‘mystical’ experience, after which you understood the Interrelatedness of All Things, or the Cosmic Oneness.

Remember that your testimony may be your greatest single asset. It is a enriched version of your life-story. It is key that it is memorable and easily summarizable. That it is a good meme. People with astonishing life-stories have started all successful religions. Learn from them.

Cultivating the Cult

In an age of cynicism, your most difficult task is generating enthusiasm. People must be leaving your gatherings talking amongst themselves that you are "amazing" or "incredible." Or how wonderful that podcast was!

Like any good marketing campaign, your cult must focus on certain demographic clusters. Although you may come to believe you are universally charming, in reality you will never appeal to all people.

Be selective.

Follow these two cardinal rules:

· There are vast oceans of gullible people out there, so don’t waste your valuable time on skeptics.

· Target people with low self-esteem, especially women.